You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize