Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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