some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it's like heaven, but drunker
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
