you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
