can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
