i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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