If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
