Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
