Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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