when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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