im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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