I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
