just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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