Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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