I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
