I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
