you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
