i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
