this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
