Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
