I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
