batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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