Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
