we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
