the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
two words...techno handjob
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
