thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
