Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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