I wish my penis had an off switch
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
