sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
