i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Mom said you looked used
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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