I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
