Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
