he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
