When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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