Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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