well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
