True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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