Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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