Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
