No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
