Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
