i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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