I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
