I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
