member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
