there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
