the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
