You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
