Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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