to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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