Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
