how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
