the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
