??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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