I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
