what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
